Editor's note: Mr. Pink is given to bouts of profanity. He is not, to our knowledge, suffering from Tourette Syndrome. Please read at your own risk.

Musical Fruit

Mr. Pink’s Latest Soapbox Harvest...

Over the last few months, I've acquired a new soapbox, and this looks like a perfect time to hop up on it.

Bands, bands, the musical fruit,
We need your time, we need your loot ---

Okay, so my haiku chops are a little rusty. Point is, there's a lot of music in this town. While there's enough variety to suit most any musical taste, a large portion of an original band's success is affected by how well they fit in with current popular music on the radio, videos, etc. What do you do when the dominating musical style on the market is miles away from what your group is doing? Some options:
  • Publicly condemn the listening and buying audience as insufferable idiots that have no clue what real music is. (real music = your music, right?)
  • Toss out all that jazz crap you've been listening to and playing for the past ten years, get a few piercings, dye your hair light green and start a steady diet of Korn. (Korn = great band being used as an example. Lighten up.)
  • Realize that you've not once in your life eaten an apple and wished it tasted more like an orange. Or vice versa. Is an orange stupid and lame if everybody's eating one while you are in the mood for an apple? Or are you just a freakin' weirdo?

In case you don't get the fruit analogy (I know you do, but I'm still up on this here soapbox) - here's the thing: different musical styles fulfill different needs. There's a lot of stuff out there that I don't really dig, but it's even more annoying to hear the same whiny complaints, read the same letters in the magazines, proclaiming that everyone and everything sucks, and apparently has sucked for the same damn reasons for the past 15 f*cking years (I chose 15 years because that is about how long I have been actively purchasing, analyzing and playing music, give or take a few years).

But I digress - I will now get all the bitchy, useless stuff I have heard, read or thought for the past little while out of my head. Some of it was spoken by local players, while others I am improvising on the spot. Enjoy! Play "Find The Sarcasm."

"That's a load of corporate-rock shit."
"I listen to everything from Stone Temple Pilots to Soundgarden."
"If I hear another 7-string guitar tuned down to Z-flat, I'm going on
       a killing spree."
"Why in the hell is Robert Smith on the cover of Guitar Player?"
      (Note: Robert Smith is way-cool. Deal with it, shredmeisters.)
"That's a load of blues-rock shit."
"That's a load of wimp-jazz shit."
"I hate that 'new-pop' country shit."
"I hate that old, redneck country shit."
"That's a load of pseudo-cerebral, noodly fusion shit."
"Heavy-handed and a bit unadventurous."
"Clapton just doesn't matter anymore."
"Britney Spears - voice of a generation."
"Kurt Cobain - voice of a generation."
"Kasey Kasem - voice of Shaggy."
"That's a load of angst-ridden, alterna-pop bullshit with subliminal
      overtones that can only be appreciated by homosexual
      platyppii.  Platypusses. Otters with bills."

Thank you, and good night.

Sincerely, Mr. Pink

P.S. One last point to add to the earlier list of options:

  • Shut up and play the damn gig.

Contact Mr. Pink at HeyMisterPink@hotmail.com.